?

Log in

No account? Create an account

@6---I-------

Recent Entries

You are viewing the most recent 25 entries.

14th August 2008

1:29am: goodbye high school.
goodbye journal.

6th August 2008

12:32am: it's quite funny that i haven't posted here since high school ended.
so i guess it seems fitting that i should be going to a new lj.

and it's not only the lj i need to change. i need to change my mind.
i hope i have the courage to stop the cynical feelings.

because it takes getting past the judgments.

some people will be ignorant and mean back.

maybe smiling will lift their judgments too.

29th May 2008

9:51pm:
THE CURE
28.05.2008 San Jose - HP Pavilion at San Jose (USA/CA)
plainsong, prayers for rain, fascination street, the perfect boy, the blood, the end of the world, lovesong, to wish impossible things, pictures of you, lullaby, catch, hot hot hot, the only one, a strange day, sleep when i'm dead, push, doing the unstuck, inbetween days, just like heaven, a letter to elise, from the edge of the deep green sea, shake dog shake, wrong number, one hundred years, disintegration,
E1: at night, m, play for today, a forest,
E2: freakshow, close to me, why can't i be you?,
E3: boys don't cry, jumping someone else's train, grinding halt, 10:15 saturday night, killing an arab


pure bliss.


i need a new lj.

14th May 2008

1:09am: caring too much does not work in this life.

12th May 2008

7:47pm: i hate too many things lately.
it's a cover up for getting away from things i can't love.

funny really.

7th May 2008

7:44pm: today is the day before senior ball.
today i got the tux and corsage ready.
today i have 17 days before graduation.
today i still have a D+ in pre-calculus class this quarter.
today i had a burger king whooper.
today i had food/photo/pre-cal/physics classes.
today i talked to about 20 people.
today i have 19.51 GB of music.
today i sat at the computer for only two hours.
today i really tried to be happy.

and i still feel absolutely indifferent.
caffeine and loud as fuck music aren't doing a thing.

massive indifference.

27th April 2008

1:47am: The Cure
"Shake Dog Shake"

Ha ha ha
Wake up in the dark
The after-taste of anger in the back of my mouth
Spit it on the wall
And cough some more
And scrape my skin with razor blades

And make up in the new blood
And try to look so good
Follow me
Make up in the new blood
And follow me to where the real fun is
Ha ha ha

As stale and selfish as a sick dog
Spurning sex like an animal of god
I'll tear your red hair by the roots
And hold you blazing
Hold you cherished in the dead electric light

Your face
I'll never see you this way again
I captured it so perfectly
As if I knew you'd disappear away

Shake shake shake shake
Shake shake shake shake
Shake dog shake
Shake shake shake shake
Shake shake shake shake
Shake dog shake

You hit me again
You howl and hit me again
The same sharp pain
Wakes me in the dark
And cuts me from my throat to my pounding heart
My heart
My shaking heart
My howl my shake dog

Oh shake dog shake
Shake shake
Shake dog shake

But we slept all night in the virgin's bed
And dreamed of death
And breathed like sick dogs
We slept all night in the virgin's bed
And breathed like death
And dreamed of sick dogs

Shake shake
Shake dog shake

Wake up wake up wake up
Shake dog shake
Wake up wake up wake up
Shake dog shake
Wake up in the new blood
Make up in the new blood
Shake up in the new blood
And follow me to where the real fun is
Shake dog shake








-----
nothing else describes my mood perfectly.
-----
Current Mood: pissed off
1:46am: MyPersonality.info Badge
Click to view my Personality Profile page

20th April 2008

2:18pm:
My Personality
Neuroticism
99
Extraversion
2
Openness to Experience
86
Agreeableness
43
Conscientiousness
29
You feel strong cravings and urges that you have difficulty resisting. You tend to prefer short-term pleasures and rewards over long-term consequences, however you experience panic, confusion, and helplessness when under pressure or stress. You are not prone to spells of energetic high spirits. You prefer facts over fantasy and are more interested in what is happening in the real word. You do not like to claim that you are better than other people, and generally shy from talking yourself up, however you generally see others as selfish, devious, and sometimes potentially dangerous. You take your time when making decisions and will deliberate on all the possible consequences and alternatives.

Take a Personality Test now or view the full Personality Report.

The best Buying Pet Gifts.




that's actually quite horrifying.

how am i going to fix myself from that?
=I

18th April 2008

12:19am: i figured it out.

the main idea behind the massive mood swings is the year process of growing this massive sort of indifference because it is utterly useless to feel such strong feelings towards absolutely nothing. like anyone would want to freaking reciprocate the feelings. it's just fucking broken. nothing positive comes out of this anyway, so i'll just numb it the fuck away. just forget it. forget this. forget everything.

if you think that's emo and stupid and whatnot, just look into yourself. you probably are just as angry once in a while. if not, i give you fucking massive props that you can get away without living like this. MAJOR props.


can you say...mood swings?

whatever
like i care

17th April 2008

9:07pm: looking at people in last.fm while commenting on their good taste of music keeps me from being totally lonely. it's great.


edit: it makes me feel connected. yet in a way it makes me feel unlucky. but i guess i will attempt to fix that.

16th April 2008

11:41pm: no amount of fuck you's will help my mindset today.
i'm DONE.

15th April 2008

9:37pm:

that keeps me sane.

31st March 2008

11:19pm: xxxxscarling (11:19:06 PM): fuck hw
xxxxscarling (11:19:07 PM): fuck hw
xxxxscarling (11:19:08 PM): fuck hw
xxxxscarling (11:19:10 PM): fuck hw
xxxxscarling (11:19:10 PM): fuck hw
xxxxscarling (11:19:11 PM): fuck hw
xxxxscarling (11:19:13 PM): fuck hw
xxxxscarling (11:19:19 PM): fuck hw
xxxxscarling (11:19:20 PM): fuck hw
xxxxscarling (11:19:21 PM): fuck hw
xxxxscarling (11:19:25 PM): fuck hw
xxxxscarling (11:19:26 PM): fuck hw
xxxxscarling (11:19:27 PM): fuck hw
xxxxscarling (11:19:28 PM): fuck hw
xxxxscarling (11:19:28 PM): fuck hw
xxxxscarling (11:19:29 PM): fuck hw
xxxxscarling (11:19:30 PM): fuck hw
xxxxscarling (11:19:31 PM): fuck hw
xxxxscarling (11:19:32 PM): fuck hw

15th March 2008

11:46am: absolutely broken.

10th March 2008

10:52pm: 42 school days until it won't matter anyways.
heh.

17th February 2008

2:11pm: I AM NOT THE PRETTY BOY YOU DREAM OF.
IF THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT, YOU CAN LOOK FOR IT ELSEWHERE.
k thanks bye.

16th February 2008

10:47am: Everything seems like a blur.

15th January 2008

10:58pm: I can only smile at what happened today.
I cannot hold my head down because what I did was funny.

It just didn't turn out the way I wanted. So what?
It's been like that for nearly 4 years.

BIG DEAL.

5th January 2008

4:04am: 2008 means reconstruction time.

I'm off to do a fun experiment once school starts because after all I need to fix my brain and re-wire the mess I have made.

This mess I made all on my own.

The feelings of self-defeat and dread MUST go away.

I need to weed those out and re-plant goodness in me.
I miss that.

20th December 2007

10:54pm: vacation.
17 9/24 days of vacation.



The only album I will ever need in my life each and every day.

15th December 2007

10:59pm: the biggest plan in my mind is going to shock the hell out of my family and my friends.
the shocked nature of their faces is something i can already see.
it's nothing dangerous.

but it's oh so exciting.
just 18 months.

and a license
and turning 18
and getting a job
and college
and saving up the money

in between.

FINALLY! not a rant.

3rd December 2007

9:56pm: disregard that fuck you if you know you are worth it.

you have a choice to feel whatever you want to feel.
12:22am: FUCK YOU

that felt great.
Powered by LiveJournal.com